You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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