I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
