So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
