I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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