did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
