Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
