and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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