I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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