words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
