she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
