Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
