Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
