I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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