Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
