Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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