New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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