I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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