officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
