The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
