omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
