If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
