yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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