come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
