I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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