We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
