You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
