What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
