Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
