Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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