So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
