he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
