Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
