I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize