ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
