listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
