dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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