That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
