if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
