We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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