dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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