I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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