So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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