Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
