I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
