So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
