Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
