ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
