Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
