As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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