are you still at the devil's house?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
