just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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