the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
