is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drunk is not a location!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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