I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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