So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
