What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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