i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
