She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
