Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
