Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
