Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
