shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
