I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
