I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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