No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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