you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
