you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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