So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
