No subtext here. People are naked.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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