Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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